Your relationship with your partner ebs and flows throughout each new chapter.
When you enter into parenthood, your partner will see you at the height of your life – bringing your baby into this world. And they’ll also see you at your deepest depths, treading for air.
Motherhood is the greatest, most incredible gift of life. But man is it trying.
It’s a job that doesn’t stop. 24/7 365 days a year, you are on.
You are required to not only be physically present but mentally alert for each second of your baby’s waking, and sleeping hour. Constantly thinking of their joys, safety, health & future.
Within all of this, your partner is there. Working through their own transitions into fatherhood(or motherhood). Life as both of you know it has changed, for the better. And also harder.
Below I share my personal views. Please don’t take this as anything more than a connection, to know we are not alone on this incredible journey.
Communication is always #1 in any relationship. And adding another person to your dynamic makes communicating an imminent priority.
Without communication, you can both be left feeling hopeless, misunderstood and alone. So I cannot stress the importance of constantly communicating with your partner, enough.
Don’t sacrifice your goals and dreams.
I feel like there are so many sad songs and stories about a dream someone once had, and then they had kids. I never understood why their dream had to die.
Andrew and I love to dream. I often ask “what are you thinking” because I want to hear his daydreams and share mine with him.
My “what are you thinking” is the initiation into our daydreaming-brainstorming-chats.
Chase your goals: start the business, get the degree, do what you dream of doing.
But with that said be realistic, and communicate.
In Brenē Brown’s book “Atlas Of The Heart”, Brenē speaks on the power of communicating expectations.
On weekends Andrew and I communicate expectations that we have for that day or weekend, and the importance behind it.
This has been transformative in holding ourselves accountable, prioritizing, and reality checking our expectations.
It’s hard to make the time to put personal goals and dreams into action. But communicating expectations has been emotionally liberating, and imperative for us to make the time for our dream projects, while being a parent.
6 weeks postpartum is when majority of women are cleared by their healthcare provider to resume sex.
With that said, your body shifted for 9 months to create this incredible human, then birthed it!
It may take you longer than 6 weeks to heal, or you may be feeling touched out. So please, do what your body feels is best, and don’t rush what you’re not comfortable with.
I was warned to be prepared for use of lube when having sex again. My pelvic floor physiotherapist said due to hormonal changes & your cycle, you may need the extra help. So it may be useful to have that around, incase needed.
With that said, don’t go into it afraid.
Without TMI, our first time back after birth was pain-free and beautiful. So similar to your mindset around birth, don’t go in thinking it will be a negative experience.
It is an incredible blessing to see every advancement and milestone your baby hits, and this also can also mean less consistent sleeps (for us, at least as of late).
So learning to adjust to the changes and using the time you’ve got is key.
Elon Musk once said “If you give yourself 30 days to clean your home, it will take you 30 days. But if you give yourself 3 hours, it will take 3 hours” well, for parents, if you know you’ve got 15 minutes- it’ll take you 15 minutes.
Keep your baby cam on, and your mind at ease.
Date nights are no longer picking up and going. It requires someone to help you watch your baby, or you to feel confident enough to go out and dine with a new born who may be fussy.
If you’re out and your baby is fussy – there is no shame in nursing it out. There is also zero shame in saying f*** it. Let’s get take out.
Date nights shift. And like my point above, you pivot to the changes. Some of our best date nights have been by the fire at home if we couldn’t get anyone to help out with babysitting.
Be it date night out just the two of you, out with the baby, or at home cozied up – make sure to prioritize you two.
What makes you feel sexy? Getting dressed up, hair done, or makeup? Whatever it is, do what makes you feel good in your skin.
Your relationship will shift in this new chapter.
There is sleep deprivation, anxiety, hormones & a shift in attention. And with all of that, your relationship will gain new strength as you join together and grow.
Communicate, love & prioritize.
You will pickup new tips along the way that help you both sway with the tide. And in the moments when you feel like you’re fighting the current and being sucked under. Do as you would in the water.
Let it go – don’t fight it.
Always talk it out and love it out.
Everyone’s relationship works differently.
These are some of the things that have been golden for us in our new chapter.
What has been golden for you?